Monday, August 16, 2010

OB Doc doesn't suck!

My OB appointment went well. He took the time to look back in my chart about my last pregnancy and agreed that I needed pain meds and gave me the script. Wheewwww!! That anxiety is over! Ironically, the day I wrote the previous post someone posted something about pain meds and being treated like a junkie on a discussion board I follow. I feel so bad for so many people because I know what it's like to live with chronic pain and nothing you can do to fix it. I'm thankful today's appointment went like it did!!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Pain Sucks

Pain sucks!! No matter the reason, it sucks!! You'd think it would suck a little less after 8 yrs... wrong! So since I am currently engaged in a pain pity party I thought I'd write about it. It helps sometimes, maybe I think it keeps me from going insane. Just a warning... I don't think I have anything really profound or insightful to write. So I completely understand if you stop reading now.

So in the thralls of pitiness I still ask the stupidest question, "why?". Not necessarily "why me?" but more "why this?". Why not something more treatable? Why not something more understood and excepted? And WHY Kansas? "Why Kansas?" You might ask. Well, if you have chronic pain this is one of THE worst states to possibly live in. Thanks to some wonderful doctors who made tons of money illegally and killed some people along the way by prescribing pain meds. Most doctors here are down right scared to even prescribe pain meds, that is if they even believe you need them in the first place!! (By they way, those docs are now in prison) Thankfully (hey look, something positive) our family doctor is great. He and Miles have built a bond outside of the clinic and I'm certain that was not by accident. So my doctor believes me and takes wonderful care of me. BUT... being pregnant and insurance changes have caused me to be doctoring with a new OB. So here I am, on the verge of yet another appointment to explain myself. And for those of you freaking out to read that I take pain meds while pregnant, you can calm down... I've been on pain meds during every pregnancy except the first (before I got "sick"). All of my babies have been born healthy. I can most certainly say that I am not addicted either. I have great control when it comes to taking them... I have to be in ALOT of pain and for awhile and have tried other things first before I take anything. They work but they also have side effects which aren't that pleasant.

So, on Monday I get to bring this up with the OB. The pain is worse now, always is later in pregnancy. Then I get to take my prescription to the pharmacy where the tech will give me that LOOK, not only because of the pain meds but because of being pregnant. Then when I go back the pharmicist will give me the same LOOK as he/she explains the medication info assuming I'm a junkie.
So here is the real "why?" I guess....
Why do I feel like I have to plead my case and withstand those looks and judgements just to get relief and taken care of? Just doesn't seem fair.

I know a lady here that has chronic, severe pain from a years old injury that has resulted in additional pain from scar tissue/arthritis/nerve damage. She got "accidently" placed on the DEA watchlist by a pharmacy when she was getting her pain meds. Because of that she CANNOT get any pain med precriptions filled. (that "accident" cannot be reversed once done) She is now on a pain pump. The final, last resort treatment for pain. She is in her mid 50s, with no other pain med options available to her for the rest of her life probably! Now THAT isn't fair! Pain Sucks!!!
So now I have totally forgotten where I was going to go with this pity party originally... oh well. Maybe someone will be encouraged just to know they aren't alone at their own pity parties!

And just because it's been awhile... if you or someone you know has pain from a chronic condition and/or invisible illness, check out this website. www.butyoudontlooksick.com
it is fabulous! and they have a page on facebook too!

Monday, June 21, 2010

So...

So, I've been dealing some of these kind of "especially spiritual" people nearly everyday for years. And it has been extremely frustrating, not to mention annoying, and has caused a bit of hardening of my heart.
So after Pastor Mike's sermon it's really been on my mind, "what can I do on my end of these relationships to keep from being frustrated, annoyed, and bitter?"

Humble myself. Remember that everyone is of different spiritual maturity. Pray for them. Love them because Christ loves them. Do not spend wasted amounts of energy on being frustrated, annoyed, or bitter!

Sorry if these posts have been a bit of a rant!!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Really????

A couple weeks ago during a sermon on Ruth, our Pastor made a comment and my first thought was, "That's what I always think!" So what was the comment...
"I have mentioned on more than one occasion that I have a pet peeve–it’s people who talk like they have an inside track on God's plan. They never seem to be in doubt about what field they should glean in. They are constantly saying things like, “The Lord told me to do this,” “the Lord told me to go there,” “God revealed such-and-such to me.” You know what? I don't believe them. I think they talk that way because it sounds so spiritual. " Pastor Mike Andrus


Why in the world do people do this?
Do they not feel secure that God really does have a plan? So they are trying to convince us (and themselves) that this what God wants them to do?!
Are they still working on ridding themselves of things like pride and arrogance? Speaking of things this way makes them feel special, especially spiritual?!


I think maybe it's a little bit of both and also a huge part of their character. I think maybe that majority of the people who speak this way have the same attitude about the rest of their life. They know what's best, what should happen next, where they should go, what they should try, and they don't listen to anyone else's advice and they certianly don't seek out counsel regarding anything. They know it all... just ask them!
So when faith in Christ comes into their life what are they supposed to do? Hope in things unseen? Walk by faith? Trust the words of God?

After his comment Pastor Mike shared something about Ironside,
"Dr. Harry Ironside, the famous pastor of Moody Church in Chicago, once said that about 80% of the time he didn't know for sure what God's will was when he had to make a decision. Usually God would confirm His will later, but at the time, Ironside made his decisions based upon reason and common sense and the general parameters of Scripture. If a man as godly as Ironside was flying blind, I suspect you and I are, too, most of the time."

*****I feel I should put a little disclaimer in here... please do not get the impression that I don't think I have some of the same issues as the people I am talking about. I have made mistakes, thinking I was doing what the Lord wanted. I can admit when I am wrong and hopefully learn a huge lesson. I have no problem seeking out counsel. It is called growth. Continuing the same behaviors over and over, obviously shows no growth*****

Ok, so where did all this come from??? Well, that answer will have to wait until the next post!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Deja Vu

So I've been living with a chronic illness for almost 8 years, you would think that me and my family would be used to it by now... WRONG! It seems especially hard to handle after doing so well for about 2 yrs. I think the worst part of it all, even more than the constant pain, is not having anyone who truly understands. Not even my husband really gets it. He has done an amazing job over the last 8 yrs but tends to forget after I've been doing well. I miss the couple of friends I had that really understood because they lived with chronic illnesses also.

People think it's nice and the right thing to do to offer help and I'm sure they mean well, but they really have no idea what they are offering. On a bad day where I can bearly get out bed and get myself dressed, let alone take care of my husband and 4 kids, what exactly are these people offering to help with... my dishes, my laundry, my grocery shopping, changing my 1 yr olds diaper, fixing my toddler's lunch and then try to get him to take a nap... I wish they would understand that it is very hard to call up someone and say "HI, I'm having a really bad day. Can you come over to my house and do my laundry because my kids don't have any clean school uniforms? or "Can you stop by the store and get my grocery list because we are completely out of milk, cereal, eggs, bread, and peanut butter, which means my kids won't be eating tonight unless I get something from that list."

What people with chronic illness need is for people to offer them specific things and then actually DO IT. Like cooking a meal for the family, most chronically ill moms I know have nothing left in them by dinner time and dinner often consists of cereal or sandwiches or McDonalds. Offer to pick kids up from school. Offer to have the kids that are at home over to your house for a playdate in the afternoon so Mom can take a nap. Offer to take her and/or her kids to church activities. Offer to pick up a couple things from the store because you are going anyway. The entire family would appreciate it!

For about the last week I have been looking at youtube videos for encouragment and reminding that I'm not alone in this... how sad is that!! Because of pain and fibrofog I haven't been able to do devotionals regularly for months. I can't concentrate unless it is absolutely quiet (with 4 kids, HA) and even if that happens my attention span is about 5 minutes before I wander and don't even remember what I was reading. As if trying to do devotionals isn't bad enough, think about praying... I used to be a prayer warrior. People with chronic illness make great prayer warriors because even if they can't physically serve somehow, they can and do pray. Has your mind ever wandered or simply forgot what you were "saying" while praying?? It's very frustrating!

Deja vu, feeling like you've done something before... the last few weeks have been constant
deja vu... SO while it has been awhile since I've been in this state, I have NOT forgetten that my all knowing, all powerful, loving God is allowing me to go through this. And no one knows my heart except Him. I have grown faster in the last 8 yrs than the previous 24, and I am certain it is because of the thorn in my flesh. While I am thankful for all things, yes, even this... doesn't mean it makes it easy to handle everyday.

Maybe this post will remind someone that they know a person who lives with a chronic illness and maybe spur them on to help. And possibly encourage someone because they are not alone!