Really????

A couple weeks ago during a sermon on Ruth, our Pastor made a comment and my first thought was, "That's what I always think!" So what was the comment...
"I have mentioned on more than one occasion that I have a pet peeve–it’s people who talk like they have an inside track on God's plan. They never seem to be in doubt about what field they should glean in. They are constantly saying things like, “The Lord told me to do this,” “the Lord told me to go there,” “God revealed such-and-such to me.” You know what? I don't believe them. I think they talk that way because it sounds so spiritual. " Pastor Mike Andrus


Why in the world do people do this?
Do they not feel secure that God really does have a plan? So they are trying to convince us (and themselves) that this what God wants them to do?!
Are they still working on ridding themselves of things like pride and arrogance? Speaking of things this way makes them feel special, especially spiritual?!


I think maybe it's a little bit of both and also a huge part of their character. I think maybe that majority of the people who speak this way have the same attitude about the rest of their life. They know what's best, what should happen next, where they should go, what they should try, and they don't listen to anyone else's advice and they certianly don't seek out counsel regarding anything. They know it all... just ask them!
So when faith in Christ comes into their life what are they supposed to do? Hope in things unseen? Walk by faith? Trust the words of God?

After his comment Pastor Mike shared something about Ironside,
"Dr. Harry Ironside, the famous pastor of Moody Church in Chicago, once said that about 80% of the time he didn't know for sure what God's will was when he had to make a decision. Usually God would confirm His will later, but at the time, Ironside made his decisions based upon reason and common sense and the general parameters of Scripture. If a man as godly as Ironside was flying blind, I suspect you and I are, too, most of the time."

*****I feel I should put a little disclaimer in here... please do not get the impression that I don't think I have some of the same issues as the people I am talking about. I have made mistakes, thinking I was doing what the Lord wanted. I can admit when I am wrong and hopefully learn a huge lesson. I have no problem seeking out counsel. It is called growth. Continuing the same behaviors over and over, obviously shows no growth*****

Ok, so where did all this come from??? Well, that answer will have to wait until the next post!

Deja Vu

So I've been living with a chronic illness for almost 8 years, you would think that me and my family would be used to it by now... WRONG! It seems especially hard to handle after doing so well for about 2 yrs. I think the worst part of it all, even more than the constant pain, is not having anyone who truly understands. Not even my husband really gets it. He has done an amazing job over the last 8 yrs but tends to forget after I've been doing well. I miss the couple of friends I had that really understood because they lived with chronic illnesses also.

People think it's nice and the right thing to do to offer help and I'm sure they mean well, but they really have no idea what they are offering. On a bad day where I can bearly get out bed and get myself dressed, let alone take care of my husband and 4 kids, what exactly are these people offering to help with... my dishes, my laundry, my grocery shopping, changing my 1 yr olds diaper, fixing my toddler's lunch and then try to get him to take a nap... I wish they would understand that it is very hard to call up someone and say "HI, I'm having a really bad day. Can you come over to my house and do my laundry because my kids don't have any clean school uniforms? or "Can you stop by the store and get my grocery list because we are completely out of milk, cereal, eggs, bread, and peanut butter, which means my kids won't be eating tonight unless I get something from that list."

What people with chronic illness need is for people to offer them specific things and then actually DO IT. Like cooking a meal for the family, most chronically ill moms I know have nothing left in them by dinner time and dinner often consists of cereal or sandwiches or McDonalds. Offer to pick kids up from school. Offer to have the kids that are at home over to your house for a playdate in the afternoon so Mom can take a nap. Offer to take her and/or her kids to church activities. Offer to pick up a couple things from the store because you are going anyway. The entire family would appreciate it!

For about the last week I have been looking at youtube videos for encouragment and reminding that I'm not alone in this... how sad is that!! Because of pain and fibrofog I haven't been able to do devotionals regularly for months. I can't concentrate unless it is absolutely quiet (with 4 kids, HA) and even if that happens my attention span is about 5 minutes before I wander and don't even remember what I was reading. As if trying to do devotionals isn't bad enough, think about praying... I used to be a prayer warrior. People with chronic illness make great prayer warriors because even if they can't physically serve somehow, they can and do pray. Has your mind ever wandered or simply forgot what you were "saying" while praying?? It's very frustrating!

Deja vu, feeling like you've done something before... the last few weeks have been constant
deja vu... SO while it has been awhile since I've been in this state, I have NOT forgetten that my all knowing, all powerful, loving God is allowing me to go through this. And no one knows my heart except Him. I have grown faster in the last 8 yrs than the previous 24, and I am certain it is because of the thorn in my flesh. While I am thankful for all things, yes, even this... doesn't mean it makes it easy to handle everyday.

Maybe this post will remind someone that they know a person who lives with a chronic illness and maybe spur them on to help. And possibly encourage someone because they are not alone!

Rollercoasters?!

I used to LOVE rollercoasters... the fastest, the highest, the scariest... Not anymore.

Something about having kids and being responsible has sparked a weird kind of dislike, or maybe fear... at any rate, I'm not a huge fan of the biggest, baddest ones anymore. I think I used to enjoy life being a sort of rollercoaster too. That has also changed!!

It seems like the last few weeks, since Oct. 25-the 1st yr anniversary of my mom's death, have been crazy. One day I think I'm handling things really well and I can actually think about her without crying. Then most days, I just feel weird, kind of like a zombie... in emotional limbo. Similar to the first few weeks after she died. Then there are the bad days too. Seems like those usually begin after waking up from a weird dream about her.

And now with Christmas nearly here... it's been terrible, I almost wish it was February and we were well past this time.

Christmas was her favorite time of year... she had LOTS of decorations, outside, inside, in everyroom, even the bathroom!! She started listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving. She could drive around every night and look at others decorations. She always bought a little something for everyone, probably even the mailman!!! While I was annoyed at most of these Christmas traditions... I miss them now... I miss then desperately. I would love to go back and truly enjoy those times with her.

Now I struggle to make Christmas enjoyable and not annoying for my kids and to also truly enjoy the time with them. It is such a strange place to be in. I am seeing the need to lean on the everlasting arms of the Savior... the One who started all these crazy traditions in the first place!

This is one of my favorite Christmas pics with her!

Thank you Jesus!

Essentially Frustrated

Over the last few years I have heard many conversations about the "essentials" of the faith and about not compromising on them - good counsel! I have run into very big and obvious differences but had yet to realize how I defined my "essentials" until a supposed "non-essential" challenged me. I think I know now.

Are essentials only related to God's sovereignty and salvation? I don't think so.

Webster defines essential as: of the utmost importance. (in this context)

So how do we decide what is and what is not essential or of the utmost importance regarding our faith? If I believe the Bible to be God's Word, then I believe it is all true and of the utmost importance regarding my faith! I don't believe the culture we live in today changes any part of God's Word or makes anything any less relevant or less important... and that is what shapes my study of His Word and "essentially" the living out of my faith.
:)

Rocky Foundations

In a Bible study that I am doing the passage of the wise man and the foolish man in Matthew 7 came up, you know the song... "The wise man built his house upon the rock... the rains came down and the floods came up (are you doing the motions)... and the house on the rock stood firm!" Well, as most of us probably, I thought, "oh ya, I know this passage" and didn't REALLY read it, went on and answered the study questions. But I thought of this passage all day and continued to have these images of houses in my head.

*I suppose a little side note would help out the reader at this point - I had still been struggling with prayer and guilt about my lack of dedication to spending time with the Lord, something that has been ongoing since the whirlwind of a couple of months when my mom died, the holidays, and Lincoln being born. I have known that the enemy was getting a foothold wherever possible but even knowing that wasn't helping my guilt, I guess the enemy knew that too.*

So as I am pondering this passage and images of houses something clicked... The house built on the sandy foundation obviously would not stand during a flood or even a fierce storm, even the foundation would be washed away. But the house built on the rock foundation is obviously different. If the house represents our lives then it needs to be maintained in order to continue to stand. We may get a broken window or need a new roof or perhaps some siding needs replaced but even when we sustain damage from a fierce storm, the foundation is still firm. The damage can be repaired. Sometimes when it is better to replace the entire the roof we can only afford to patch the holes.

I guess that is kind of how I have felt these last months... I know there are repairs that need to be made but I can only do what is absolutely necessary to get by. And yes, my house will still be standing on the firm foundation. It just may not look as nice and new as it once did. Maybe someday I will be able to really fix it up, remodel, or even upgrade. For now, I am thankful I can sit on my front porch and know that my house will stand when the storms come...

Spiritually Overwhelmed?

Is being spiritually overwhelmed possible? Maybe that is not a good choice of words, maybe "in awe of all the Lord is doing" is better. However you say it I just have this overwhelming sense of amazement at the work of our God.

While on vacation (details on Kennedy Connection) I got a phone call from a very good friend with very awesome news... She is now not only my friend, but also my sister in Christ! After years of praying, many, many prayers were answered. So many things are happening so fast in her life that it is obviously the work of God.

I have also been doing a study in Luke... just a week after the news of my friend I come upon the parable of the soils in Luke 8... v.15 "As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the Word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience." WOW... bearing fruit with patience!! It has taken literally years for this friend of mine, but with patience, I finally saw that fruit! Something about this whole situation strengthens my confidence in the my Lord and all that He promises.

So here is another "a-ha" type thing going on... Before Miles and I moved to Wichita we read a book written by the President (and founder) of World Impact, Keith Phillips. It is called "Out of Ashes" and kind of chronicles the beginning of World Impact and the love and compassion he had/has for the inner city, poor people of America. As we read his book we kept saying "that's us... that's what we should be doing... that is why we grew up the way we did...", we knew the Lord wanted to us to minister to others who are going through things we had. So then a couple weeks ago Miles "randomly" finds this video by a guy named Francis Chan. We thought his name sounded familiar so we began doing a little research... He is on the national board for WI. He has also written a book, "crazy love". We began reading it the first day of vacation. The title sums up the book... the love of God is crazy, the love we have for God is crazy, the things this love causes us to do is crazy... all in a good way of course. Two sentences out of this book have been tattooed on my mind so to speak.

"Having faith often means doing what others see as crazy. Something is wrong when our lives make sense to unbelievers." (crazy love, Chan, pg 114-115)

This book is exactly what my heart needed almost 2yrs after moving to Wichita...
Thank You Lord

Missing Momma

So this is the tattoo I got in memory of my mom. I knew I wanted a dolphin but couldn't come up with a design I really liked, not to mention making a decision as to where to put it since dolphins are not something I am normally in to. They are pretty and cute and fun to watch but I had never thought about getting a tattoo of one. So while on vacation I had some time to really think about it and found this design that I really love. It fits my personality/style/type, whatever you want to call it and it reminds me of my mom. So I decided to put it on my forearm/wrist (inside part) so I can look at it whenever I want to. Oh yeah, and the eye is green because that was mom's favorite color.

I am so thankful that the Lord knows my heart and knows what I need. I have really been missing my mom, wishing I could see her, wishing she'd come visit again soon...

So we have had more people come visit this summer than ever before and it has just been great and it's not over yet...

I have been so blessed to keep in touch with a couple of my mom's good friends as well as making new friends here that have so much in common. I have a few women that I can share my heart with in regards to my mom and that helps a lot but nothing will ever replace her.

The thoughts of wanting to call her to tell her something or send her pictures of the kids make me just want to fall on the floor in a heap and sob.... thanks to prozac, I don't do it that often!

Hahaha!

OK... maybe that is TMI and maybe I should clarify that I'm not a chronically depressed person. After having Lincoln 3 1/2 months after mom died I was just an emotional trainwreck! So I am finally approaching the 6 month mark and doing extremely better and will be off the meds soon!!

If you are one of the ladies I have talked about, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

You are truly a blessing!