Friday, January 28, 2011

depression?!

WARNING: The following post is indeed a rant.
Depression?!
Do I believe it is real? Yes!
Do I believe it has anything to do with spiritual matters of the heart? Sure!
Do I think there is such a thing as post-partum depression? Absolutely!
Do I have a family history of depression? Unfortunately!
This post is not up for spiritual debate! I'm done with that!
I personally believe that depression is real and
that there are medications that can be of great help! This is not my first rodeo so to speak!
And it almost makes me angry to think that some people deprive themselves of help just because some legalistic "Christian" told them that they wouldn't need medication if they'd just get right with God!
It's hard being an only child teenager of divorced parents living between the craziness of Southern California and the remoteness of Wyoming. Feeling led to find out what my relationship with Christ was all about...
in a VERY large church... ON MY OWN!!!
It's hard having a 10 month old, being pregnant, and having a husband work 70+ hrs a week!
It's hard having 2 "babies" and an undiagnosed illness that interferes with daily living!
It's hard being broke!
It's hard having sick kids!
It's hard when your mother dies unexpectedly!
It's hard living 900 miles away from your closest family!
LIFE is HARD!
I've dealt with depression on and off in my life for about 20yrs, give or take. I've gone back and forth about the whole medication debate. It has worked for me in the past and I have also benefited from solely seeking the Lord's help. But now it seems different...
Webster defines depression (as I am talking about it) as:
2. b (1) : a state of feeling sad : dejection
(2) : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies
c (1) : a reduction in activity, amount, quality, or force
(2) : a lowering of vitality or functional activity

Yep, that would be me... all of those (minus the suicidal tendencies)!
Do I think it's post-partum? Yes! Having a baby does crazy things to a woman!
Do I think it's genetic? How could it NOT be?!
I truly believe those 2 things put together are a dangerous combination and I am taking it seriously! Because definition 2 b (1) leads to b (2) and c (1), I am back on medication and seriously examing my heart condition! I am trying to help myself...
and my family for that matter!
When did "trying to help yourself" become a legalistic debate?
How is taking medication wrong if it leads to better sleep, a healthy appetite, being able to concentrate, being active and functional, and possibly even happy??
I think there is no debate!
In my little bubble, medication is a gift from God to my entire family!